Why is My Child Acting Out at School?
Behavior problems at school may not be what they seem. After all, challenging behaviors are typically a clue about something else. Don’t assume your child is intentionally acting out and doesn’t want to do well in school. Here are some considerations for what to do:
First, meet with your school team to collect as much information as possible about how your child is acting out. Take notes about what the teachers report and try to use their exact words. Get specific examples rather than general descriptions. Some of the following might be showing up at school:
- Easily distracted, doesn’t pay attention or focus
- Off task, not finishing work
- Refuses work or tasks
- Rushing to complete work with little care for accuracy
- Doesn’t stay in seat or keep hands to self
- Leaves the classroom or runs away from teacher
- Doesn’t follow classroom rules
- Inflexible with transitions and changes, wants to do things their way
- Low frustration tolerance, easily distressed
- Trouble getting along with other kids
- Teasing or provoking other kids
- Inappropriate language or name calling
- Physically aggressive or destructive behavior
Second, try to find out how often and where these behaviors occur. Ask the following:
- When did the behaviors first start?
- How many times a day, week, or month does your child act out?
- What classes or times of day do they occur?
- Are the behaviors different across different teachers or settings?
Third, ask how your child is doing academically. If your child is doing well academically and making good grades, do the teachers think he may be bored and need more of a challenge? Are the behavior problems isolated with no impact on academics? In contrast, if your child is NOT doing well academically, what subjects are a concern, when did this start, and what do they notice? Get details from grades, tests, and assignments so you can see where your child is showing learning challenges.
Fourth, consider anything at home that may be triggering stress for your child. Any big changes, transitions, losses, or other stressors? Any changes in friendships or family? If your child lives in more than one home, be sure to talk with your co-parent. Any medical or medication changes? How are sleep and appetite? What are they like during homework?
Last, talk with your child in a curious, empathic, and emotionally calm manner to see what they say about the behaviors of concern. Ask them what they think is happening. Are there things upsetting your child? Also ask general questions about the kids at school, teachers, and the classroom.
After gathering this information, you may be ready to meet with the school team again to develop a plan for supports. Alternatively, you may realize that you could benefit from expert advice about what to do next. Do not delay if acting out behaviors are affecting multiple areas of daily life (e.g., social, academic, home, relationships, extracurricular activities).
We would also be happy to provide a free phone consultation to answer any questions about the Pediatric Neurodevelopmental Center, and discuss whether a neuropsychological evaluation might benefit your child and family. Contact us at [email protected]
