Grounding yourself during overwhelm
Most parents have experienced moments when their child was suffering or upset, and they couldn’t entirely alleviate the pain or distress. The empathy we feel for our children can also be magnified by our own emotions. So how do we “put on our own oxygen mask first” before we help our child? This is an especially important question because we should be using “co-regulation” to support our child’s big emotions before we can expect “self-regulation”.
Grounding techniques can help you manage stress, anxiety, and overwhelming emotions by anchoring you in the moment. They help you return to a place of stability and control. Science shows that these strategies are effective in moments of extreme stress and even panic.
Try these grounding techniques, some of which can be used at the same time:
Deep Breathing – Take slow, deep, long breaths in through your nose, hold for a few seconds, and then exhale slowly through your mouth. Focus on the sensations of the breath moving in and out of your body. If your mind starts to wander away, gently redirect your attention back to your breathing.
Deep breathing triggers the relaxation response in the parasympathetic nervous system by activating the vagus nerve, which sends signals to reduce the activity of the sympathetic nervous system (i.e., “fight or flight” response). You’ll notice that your heart rate slows down, blood pressure decreases, muscles relax, and stress hormones (e.g., cortisol) will go down.
Mindful Observation – Take a moment to notice your body in physical space and engage each of your senses. Notice your feet on the ground, your back in the chair, your clothes against your skin, your hand on the glass, a salty taste in your mouth, the smell of the sheets as you take a breath, the tree leaves outside the window, the sound of the air conditioning, etc. Try ways to ground your body with touch, such as by clasping your hands together or placing your hand on your chest.
5-4-3-2-1 Strategy – Pause to identify 5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you hear, 2 things you smell, and 1 thing you taste (or use your imagination). This takes you out of the intensity of the emotions and brings you back to the present. It refocuses your attention.
Grounding Objects – Sometimes a tangible “grounding object” can help. This is something small that you can hold in your hand and touch to focus on how it feels. Notice the texture, temperature, weight, and any sounds as you touch it. This can be something you keep with you (e.g., Seaglass in your purse), or it can be something you quickly pick up for the moment (e.g., spoon on the table).
Imagery – Close your eyes and imagine yourself in a peaceful and calming place, such as a beach, forest, or mountain trail, or even next to the fireplace in your childhood home. Use all of your senses to fully imagine and immerse yourself in this place. Using imagery (not words) try to describe this place with each of your senses in as much detail as possible.
Counting – Count backwards from 100 (or another number) while focusing on each number as you say it and see it in your mind. This simple activity can help redirect you away from anxiety-provoking thoughts and bring your attention to the present moment. If you want to add an visual imagery component, you can also imagine drawing each number on a chalkboard and then erasing each number before writing the next one.
Progressive Muscle Relaxation – Tense and then relax each different muscle groups in your body, starting with your toes and working your way up to your neck and face. Pay close attention the changing sensations when you tense and then relax each muscle group. Try to visually imagine a release of the tension as you move up your body.
It will be helpful to experiment with these techniques when you are in lower states of stress so you can find ones that work best before try them in high states of stress. For example, try these while you are sitting in traffic, in the line at grocery store, or when your mind is racing before falling asleep. Discover ways to modify the techniques to make them more personal. With some practice, you can use these tools more readily when moments of high stress occur with your child.
