Does My Child Need Help?
As parents, we can see our whole child. This includes their incredible, unique, and special characteristics, but also the ones that make us worry. Every child has both strengths AND weaknesses. Development is also really discontinuous. This means that some areas mature earlier than others, early concerns will resolve, and later concerns can show up. Even bright, gifted children can have developmental challenges. It makes complete sense when parents are confused by this complexity, and they tell me:
“S/he is so smart [intelligent, bright, talented, etc], BUT….”
“S/he was an excellent student, BUT now…”
“S/he use to make friends so easily, BUT now…”
Sometimes a child’s weaknesses are just a normal part of a developmental stage, and if we give them support and structure, they will progress naturally. But other times, those weaker areas need intervention or accommodations.
How will you know if your child’s weaknesses are a normal part of development or if it’s time to get help?
Pay attention to the impact of those weaknesses. How much of a problem do they create? How many settings do they impact? Every symptom or weakness falls on a continuum from none to severe. They can also fluctuate. Here are some contrasting examples:
Handwriting
- Mild Impact: A child who has mild dislike of handwriting may complain a little, procrastinate, and even rush through assignments, but his work quality is legible, grades do not suffer, and he always gets it done. For this child, there are no other areas of fine motor weaknesses in daily life (e.g., buttons, zippers, tying shoes, etc).
- Significant Impact: A child runs out of time to complete handwriting assignments at school. She gets tearful during homework, and it takes an exceptionally long time to complete anything that involves writing. She holds the pencil in an awkward position. Her letters are not clearly formed and not easy to read despite great effort. She also shows weaknesses in other fine motor tasks that affect self-care (e.g., buttons, tying shoes).
Anxiety
- Mild Impact: A child is tearful upon separating from her parent at school drop off. She is also clingy before bedtime at night and says she is afraid of the dark. She is slow to warm up to strangers. But she loves her teachers and is doing well at school. She is making friends and plays well with the neighborhood children. She goes to t-ball and swim lessons. She also goes to doctors’ appointments with no fearfulness.
- Significant Impact: A child becomes distressed when bedtime routines change because he must always take a shower with his dinosaur toys, then wear his favorite pj’s, then read 2 books, then get 2 kisses, and then fall asleep with the bathroom light on. Parents get frequent calls from the counselor at school because he was upset. He cannot get blood work or vaccinations without restraint from his parents due to significant fear of needles. He has trouble playing with other children who don’t share his fascination with dinosaurs or Pokémon.
The examples above for mild and significant impact are relatively obvious. But some children and teens may not readily show the impact of their challenges. They may internalize them. These children may compensate by using their strengths, and these strategies may be working. However, it’s also important to watch for signs of internalized stress (e.g., headaches, stomachaches, other physical aches/pain, mood changes, worry, irritability, withdrawal, sleep or appetite changes). Internalizing stress can be common in children who are perfectionistic, or when they are very eager to please others and do the right thing. Sometimes they put tremendous pressure on themselves to excel, even when family members put no pressure.
If you have concerns, start asking questions and collecting information.
- Talk with your school team, pediatrician, medical team, coaches, therapists, and family. What do they notice? What do they recommend that you do?
- Talk with your child and ask curious, empathic questions. Is your child expressing signs of stress? Where do they notice it the most? What are the triggers? What do they do to make it better? What can. You do to help?
- Try keeping a journal to track your concerns. Describe what you observe and include the dates. Document anything significant about the time frame that you observed these concerns (e.g., high stakes testing, medical procedures, argument with friend, change in schools, etc). Look for patterns.
After gathering this information, do you feel relieved or has the need for help become more clear? If you are still unsure, ask for a consultation with a psychologist, therapist, or counselor to get a professional opinion about next steps.
But if you are worried about need for support at school, your child may benefit from a psychoeducational or neuropsychological evaluation. This will help determine if weaknesses are significant compared to others the same age, and what the interventions and accommodations that are needed. Contact us for a free consult to learn more: [email protected]
Also read more about:
https://pedneurocenter.com/psychoeducational-vs-neuropsychological-evaluation/
https://pedneurocenter.com/do-attention-problems-and-executive-challenges-affect-your-child/
https://pedneurocenter.com/why-cant-my-child-retain-information/
