Building Self-Awareness with Metacognition

By Dawn Ilardi | February 21, 2024

Metacognition may be an esoteric word, but it’s a foundational skill that all children need to be independent. It means to think about, to reference, to reflect upon, and to be aware of your own cognitive processes. This includes how a child thinks about their own behavior, emotions, and social interactions, as well as their outcomes too.

Metacognition exists on a continuum that will vary based on your child’s age and abilities; but this is one of those skills that matures and evolves during adulthood. Children who experience developmental differences likely need to be explicitly taught metacognitive skills.

Why do metacognitive skills matter?

Metcognition is essential to everyday life. Here are some key areas:

Knowing when you need to ask for help (self-advocacy)
Making short and long-term goals (prioritizing, planning)
Recognizing when you are repeating thoughts or behaviors that are a problem (self-monitoring)
Knowing how to learn and study
Knowing how to get along with others
Knowing how to regulate emotions and to tolerate stress

What skills help metacognition?

Metacognition relies on a number of other executive skills. When these areas are weak or deficient, metacognition can be challenging:

Attention
Working memory (holding information in your attention to use and manipulate)
Self-regulation
Inhibition
Planning
Prioritizing
Organizing
Persistence
Visualizing

How can I help my child strengthen metacognitive skills?

Metacognitive skills need to be practiced in real time. Use everyday opportunities in the classroom, during homework, daily routines, and social interactions to put metacognitive exercises into context. They should be concrete, meaningful, and individualized to your child. The following are some ideas that can be adapted based on age and abilities:

Encourage your child to talk about strengths and weaknesses using language that is compassionate, supportive, and honest:
- Academic – “I’m really good at math”; “Reading comprehension questions are confusing and difficult for me”
- Extracurricular – “It’s scary to try new things in front of other people”; “I’m a talented artist”.
- Friendships – “I’m a good listener when my friends have problems”; “It’s hard to say ‘I’m sorry’ and admit when I’m wrong”
- Chores – “Once I get started, I can be helpful with household projects”; “I can be forgetful and need reminders to empty the dishwasher”
- Emotions – “When I’m angry, it’s really hard to slow down and think before I speak”. “I’m good at taking space to be alone when I’m overwhelmed”.
Bring awareness by discussing when your child…
- tries something that works (e.g., math app worked better than flash cards for studying)
- solves a problem effectively (e.g., lost baseball glove; forgot locker combination).
- or when they try something over and over and continue to get a result they don’t want (e.g., waiting until the day before to study for test).
Encourage ways that your child can independently ask for help and to practice self-advocating. Discuss how to know when it’s time to ask for help.
Help your child do error analysis with a graded test or assignment; what are the patterns of errors (e.g., not reading instructions; skipping problems; not checking work)?
Model for your child when you reach the boundaries of your own knowledge. Say “I don’t know”. And then show them how you figure it out. In other words, help them recognize when they “don’t know”, and what they can do about it.
After social or emotional experiences that are difficult, encourage self-reflection about what went wrong and what could be done differently next time. Use observations and events to make it concrete for your child.
What else?

One last note about metacognitive skills. Your child’s growing self-awareness should include input from others. This is because it’s really challenging to “see” ourselves the way others do. We want them to incorporate and integrate what others know about them along with what they are learning about themselves.

What could your child learn about themselves if they asked the following people about their strengths and weaknesses?